Solitude's Center Peace

What a beautiful picture huh? It is of God as my center. Truly beautiful!

It is in the midst of night and I am here on my lap top with Itunes lulling me to my comfort zone. Barbara Streisand and Celine Dionne are singing Tell Him. The song is so pretty. It reminds me of a beautiful summer’s day. I feel the ocean tickling my toes as the sun tenderly kisses my neck.

Ah… the song changes! Amy Winehouse… Back To Black. This song brings the feisty take no crap chick out of me. Such a sassy song I absolutely LOVE Amy… drug problem and all. Not that I think it is a good thing, I just think she is unbelievably talented and pray she gets her life on track before it is too late.

And then there was Alicia… she is professing her love in her smash hit No One. Now this one is a tad sad for me. It reminds me of a wedding and ah… ya’ll know the rest.

I guess the best way to peek into a person’s personality is to check out their music library. I am all about self expression… what better way than through music.

My heart is elated right now. I mean she is smiling from “ear to ear”. Life is good now, and I am going to record every bit of it. I plan on starting a new blog soon. As each of you know (or should) I change blogs every year in April. It is representative of a continuous rebirth. With that stated, please enjoy the last few posts on Return 2 Radiance… I have indeed arrived…

Da LabRAItory… Where it all started!

My Solitude

In my solitude I reflect on life, happiness and the up’s and down’s of pursuing both. He gives me gratitude. Life could be a whole lot worse. I never claim to be perfect. I do possess faults. I live life and make mistakes just like the next man, but he I am not. I am me… what makes me such… the way I take in air, comb my hair and share… my life with and often times through others. Through life’s great falls I am grateful. Who am I not to be?

To Radiance I have returned!

The End.

~peaceresidesinthecenterofsolitude~

Fake it till you MAKE it...

Seriously... would these beautiful women really be surrounding Kanye West (spray painted in gold) if he was Leroy Jenkins the mail man?

I thought it would be extremely important that I touched on this topic for this post. For years I had a HUGE grudge against "boppers"/"gold diggers". I had extreme criticism in my heart.

Ok, let me back track. Let's clearly define the term "gold digger"/"bopper". Basically these are women that solely talk to men for financial gain. These women are (usually) extremely attractive (and know it). They use their appearance to their advantage by keeping the company of "paid" men and reaping the financial benefits. These women won't talk to a man unless he is making a certain amount of money and is willing to be generous with it.

Typically "boppers" go after professional athletes or entertainers because these men are in the "lime light" and display their riches (fancy cars, jewelry, "buying out the bar"). It's easier to spot these men (for a typical bopper) than a doctor, lawyer, or architect. With a big ass and a splash of class these beautiful women can get whatever they want.

I had a problem with that...

until I really had a chance to think about it.

Before I continue, please understand that it is NEVER by no means ok to sell your dignity, pride, or self respect (this goes along with your body) for ANY amount of money.

I will say this... conversation rules the Nation (;o)... there are men that are truly smitten with beauty and will try anything to appease it. ANYthing! I think that is important to always know your boundaries and realize that everything in this life has a price tag of sorts on it. I don't care how PEACEY one pretends to be.

Let's give some examples...

1. Drinks at the club.

price... dull conversation and slight flirting

2. Dinner and a movie.

price... a couple of phone conversations

3. Gas in your car.

price... intentionally driving over to his house on a 1/4 a tank and insisting that you all take your car instead of his so he can notice the gas gage and oblige (heck... you drove!)

ok... those were every day typical examples.

In the mind of a bopper...

1. Drinks at the club.

price... "I am fine and I expect for him to pay because there are a million other guys in the room that will."

2. Dinner and a Movie

price... "This is a given... he knows I love Perry's Steak House and Vantage Point just came out... he saw my shoes, bag and the car I was driving... this is nothing for him... he is the top Executive Officer for his company... he could take a small village in Africa to the movies!"

3. Gas in your car.

price... "Forget gas.... I was looking at this '08 SLK... let me throw a couple of subtle hints his way"

What is so ironic about the "bopper" example's is that the only way these things would constantly occur would be if there were no "goodies" being given up. That is the funny thing about it. After a guy has been intimate with you, your "worth" lessens. I know it is a double standard, but it is the truth.

People can talk about boppers all they want (as I once did) but the truth of the matter is a woman can get what ever she wants from a man as long as she keeps Ms. Kitty in her cage. Men are so turned on to mystery. Heck, they will pay top dollar for it. As soon as he has a chance to really see and get to know ALL... it's a wrap! There are women that talk to men for financial gain with out sex being involved (even though other things get compromised in the process).

It is my belief that a woman can ultimately have anything she wants and EVERYTHING her heart desires! There is absolutely nothing wrong with "faking it till you make it". You have to appreciate what you have and put yourself in the mind set that you have more. Pretty soon it will be inevitable!

Until women figure that out, it is not my place to judge.

The End.

~fakinittothetop~

What U'v Been W8ting 4!

Hey there RADIANCE readers! Thanks for not giving up on me. It is time for me to finish my re-reinvention! I know this is long awaited. I haven’t wrote in my blog since Christmas. I am not sure what excuse I would like to use for my lack of dedication.

Honestly, I had become so selfish. I was caught up in a relationship that I was forcing myself in. Yes Ladies and Gents… it was a taste of my Hiatus all over again. I so appreciate each of you hanging with me as I went back and forth on decisions for my personal life.

Where am I now?

I am happily single and enjoying life with my beautiful 5 year old Sun (on). I kissed the love of my (former) life goodbye and decided I would create a new life for my son and myself. In the words of my girl (India Arie), there is a blessing in every lesson and I am glad I knew him at all. We will always be best friends and he is forever embedded in my heart. It is simply past time that I work on me (foreal) and let God work in His time.

ENOUGH of this relationship stuff.

What else has went on in Rai’s life over the last 3 months?

January:

I had the BEST Golden Birthday EVER! I turned 27 on January 27th and my girls and BF made it EXTRA special for me. I am talking about movie S T A R treatment! The entire weekend was exquisite!

February:

This month started out in preparation for Sun’s BDay (Feb. 10th). I planned him a surprise party at good ole Mickey D’s! He was SHOCKED! His dad and his fiancé (wife as of Feb. 23rd) brought him to the restaurant thinking that he was just there to see me. Well… as soon as he rounded the corner, there I stood along with 10 of his friend, cake and presents. He was so excited about this.

On Valentines Day I had dinner with my girlfriends. Shortly after, I boarded a plane (8am the next morning) headed to New Orleans for All Star Weekend! Boy… we had fun… drama… (before we left) but fun nontheless!

I must back up… a good friend of mine got engaged on the 9th of this eventful month, which was also drama filled. Love u Bossy ;o)

NEW ORLEANS LOUISIANA !!!
Home of the Drive Thru Daiquiri Window! This city has absolutely NO shame. There are daiquiri shops on every corner. People just drinking and driving, and get this, NO BODY CARES! That was such a trip to me.

I spent the weekend sightseeing and bonding with really good friends. On morning I took a much-needed stroll down Canal Street and linked up with another good friend (though I didn’t realize it at the moment). I have to admit to myself… I met one of the many “me’s” only in the form of a guy. We are simply friends and that is just the way I like it.

It would probably take me a couple 100 blog entries to recant the trip, but I will not bother with taking up any more of your time than I already will.

The month ended with a good guy friend of mine and CK (my Son’s Dad) getting married to the loves of their lives. My friend wed at 12:30pm on February 23rd and CK wed an hour later at 1:30pm. I sincerely wish each of them the best in their marriages!


March:

March has been a liberating month. Went on a shopping spree with a dear friend, that is an indeed life saver. It’s funny, just when I feel like I am the last one left in this world a miracle happens.

I got four new tattoos (1 in Feb. and 3 in March)! That puts me at 10 total... I know... it seems like yesterday I was only getting my 2nd one! I am just feeling so free nowadays! It feels good!

I drove to Dallas last weekend to check on my family and had time to spend with some dear friends. It felt good to have money in my pocket and good friends in my corner.


I guess this sums up my MA “ness” in the several months. I have my laptop now, so there will be more to come!


The End.

~iknowumissedmissingme!~