Hey Radiant Readers!
I wrote this piece about a year ago... as sad as it is... there is definitely a message enthralled in each line.
Ladies.... young women... girls... even some guys... do not be afraid to speak out if someone you know is in a sexually or domestic abuse situation. You could be their only hope. For resources and more info log on to: www.hawc.org - no worries, if you are not in the Houston area, the organization is confidential and can give you info about the shelter/center nearest you.
Only If...
I am hurting
I am dying
Slowly inside
In spite of my pride
I cannot hide
Any longer
Time out for the lies
Hiding from life
I need You in so many ways
As a little girl
My trust banished
For man
That night
I remember it vividly
Even though I try to forget
He entered my room so quietly
To simply tuck me in for the night
He had promised momma
He would take care of everything
Make sure everything was all right
She did all she could
All she knew how
Dancing at the club for quick cash
See... momma was a good girl
Smart as can be
But, she learned at an early age to
Use men to supply all of her needs
As a single mom
To one daughter and three sons
At age 12 my growing up had just begun
Momma found a man
A good man she thought
Soon he moved in
And nightly, early sexual lessons he taught
Me
First it was an innocent kiss
On the cheek
The lips
Soon he moved lower
Then stopped
I was terrified
At the thought
Of the unknown
Which leads me back to that night
After slipping into my room
He hovered over me
I felt his breath on my neck
Soon his hands found their way under the covers
Under my shirt
I pretended to be sleep
Hoping it would all go away
I closed my eyes hard
Real hard
The nightmare continued
He found his way to my pink-laced panties
Slowly lowered them
With terror my body shook
And that night... it was my innocence he took
It happened night after night
I was afraid to tell momma
I didn't want to start a fight
Between her and him
For once in her life she was happy
He completed her
So what if I had to please him now and again
It kept him there
Keeping momma happy
The years crept by
Slowly it seemed
I retreated from the world
Too ashamed of my past
Until it came back too haunt me
I felt really bad one day
Sick as can be
Caught a cold I couldn't shake
Went to the doctor
Test after test
I waited...
I am dying
Slowly inside
In spite of my pride
I cannot hide
Any longer
Time out for the lies
Hiding from life
I need You in so many ways
As a little girl
My trust banished
For man
That night
I remember it vividly
Even though I try to forget
He entered my room so quietly
To simply tuck me in for the night
He had promised momma
He would take care of everything
Make sure everything was all right
She did all she could
All she knew how
Dancing at the club for quick cash
See... momma was a good girl
Smart as can be
But, she learned at an early age to
Use men to supply all of her needs
As a single mom
To one daughter and three sons
At age 12 my growing up had just begun
Momma found a man
A good man she thought
Soon he moved in
And nightly, early sexual lessons he taught
Me
First it was an innocent kiss
On the cheek
The lips
Soon he moved lower
Then stopped
I was terrified
At the thought
Of the unknown
Which leads me back to that night
After slipping into my room
He hovered over me
I felt his breath on my neck
Soon his hands found their way under the covers
Under my shirt
I pretended to be sleep
Hoping it would all go away
I closed my eyes hard
Real hard
The nightmare continued
He found his way to my pink-laced panties
Slowly lowered them
With terror my body shook
And that night... it was my innocence he took
It happened night after night
I was afraid to tell momma
I didn't want to start a fight
Between her and him
For once in her life she was happy
He completed her
So what if I had to please him now and again
It kept him there
Keeping momma happy
The years crept by
Slowly it seemed
I retreated from the world
Too ashamed of my past
Until it came back too haunt me
I felt really bad one day
Sick as can be
Caught a cold I couldn't shake
Went to the doctor
Test after test
I waited...
and waited...
Just when, in my mind
I made the past fade
The doctor diagnosed me with full-blown AIDS
By that time I had a strained relationship with mom
Hadn't talked to her in years
In my quest to finally tell her of the past
She had already passed
From the same disease as me
I am scared
As I lay in this bed
With a few breaths left
Know that I had good intentions
Didn't know it would lead to my death
Don't be scared like me
Tell someone
Scream as loud as can be
Don't end up like me
...
~Rai~
I made the past fade
The doctor diagnosed me with full-blown AIDS
By that time I had a strained relationship with mom
Hadn't talked to her in years
In my quest to finally tell her of the past
She had already passed
From the same disease as me
I am scared
As I lay in this bed
With a few breaths left
Know that I had good intentions
Didn't know it would lead to my death
Don't be scared like me
Tell someone
Scream as loud as can be
Don't end up like me
...
~Rai~
Ladies.... young women... girls... even some guys... do not be afraid to speak out if someone you know is in a sexually or domestic abuse situation. You could be their only hope. For resources and more info log on to: www.hawc.org - no worries, if you are not in the Houston area, the organization is confidential and can give you info about the shelter/center nearest you.
Make a difference!
The End.
~ifonlyyouwouldspeakhelpyoucouldseek~
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