Return to Radiance

Peace Out!

2008-04-10T02:38:00.003+01:00

Well... Ladies and Gents... Time has been well spent. I must now journey to the lab to dissect the beginnings of all this goodness happening in my life.

Please check out my new blog at...

http://www.dalabraitory.blogspot.com/

I will be waiting for you!

The End.

~ireturnedandnowiamheadingtothelab!~

Solitude's Center Peace

2008-03-26T15:05:00.004Z

What a beautiful picture huh? It is of God as my center. Truly beautiful!

It is in the midst of night and I am here on my lap top with Itunes lulling me to my comfort zone. Barbara Streisand and Celine Dionne are singing Tell Him. The song is so pretty. It reminds me of a beautiful summer’s day. I feel the ocean tickling my toes as the sun tenderly kisses my neck.

Ah… the song changes! Amy Winehouse… Back To Black. This song brings the feisty take no crap chick out of me. Such a sassy song I absolutely LOVE Amy… drug problem and all. Not that I think it is a good thing, I just think she is unbelievably talented and pray she gets her life on track before it is too late.

And then there was Alicia… she is professing her love in her smash hit No One. Now this one is a tad sad for me. It reminds me of a wedding and ah… ya’ll know the rest.

I guess the best way to peek into a person’s personality is to check out their music library. I am all about self expression… what better way than through music.

My heart is elated right now. I mean she is smiling from “ear to ear”. Life is good now, and I am going to record every bit of it. I plan on starting a new blog soon. As each of you know (or should) I change blogs every year in April. It is representative of a continuous rebirth. With that stated, please enjoy the last few posts on Return 2 Radiance… I have indeed arrived…

Da LabRAItory… Where it all started!

My Solitude

In my solitude I reflect on life, happiness and the up’s and down’s of pursuing both. He gives me gratitude. Life could be a whole lot worse. I never claim to be perfect. I do possess faults. I live life and make mistakes just like the next man, but he I am not. I am me… what makes me such… the way I take in air, comb my hair and share… my life with and often times through others. Through life’s great falls I am grateful. Who am I not to be?

To Radiance I have returned!

The End.

~peaceresidesinthecenterofsolitude~

Fake it till you MAKE it...

2008-03-26T01:08:00.003Z

Seriously... would these beautiful women really be surrounding Kanye West (spray painted in gold) if he was Leroy Jenkins the mail man?

I thought it would be extremely important that I touched on this topic for this post. For years I had a HUGE grudge against "boppers"/"gold diggers". I had extreme criticism in my heart.

Ok, let me back track. Let's clearly define the term "gold digger"/"bopper". Basically these are women that solely talk to men for financial gain. These women are (usually) extremely attractive (and know it). They use their appearance to their advantage by keeping the company of "paid" men and reaping the financial benefits. These women won't talk to a man unless he is making a certain amount of money and is willing to be generous with it.

Typically "boppers" go after professional athletes or entertainers because these men are in the "lime light" and display their riches (fancy cars, jewelry, "buying out the bar"). It's easier to spot these men (for a typical bopper) than a doctor, lawyer, or architect. With a big ass and a splash of class these beautiful women can get whatever they want.

I had a problem with that...

until I really had a chance to think about it.

Before I continue, please understand that it is NEVER by no means ok to sell your dignity, pride, or self respect (this goes along with your body) for ANY amount of money.

I will say this... conversation rules the Nation (;o)... there are men that are truly smitten with beauty and will try anything to appease it. ANYthing! I think that is important to always know your boundaries and realize that everything in this life has a price tag of sorts on it. I don't care how PEACEY one pretends to be.

Let's give some examples...

1. Drinks at the club.

price... dull conversation and slight flirting

2. Dinner and a movie.

price... a couple of phone conversations

3. Gas in your car.

price... intentionally driving over to his house on a 1/4 a tank and insisting that you all take your car instead of his so he can notice the gas gage and oblige (heck... you drove!)

ok... those were every day typical examples.

In the mind of a bopper...

1. Drinks at the club.

price... "I am fine and I expect for him to pay because there are a million other guys in the room that will."

2. Dinner and a Movie

price... "This is a given... he knows I love Perry's Steak House and Vantage Point just came out... he saw my shoes, bag and the car I was driving... this is nothing for him... he is the top Executive Officer for his company... he could take a small village in Africa to the movies!"

3. Gas in your car.

price... "Forget gas.... I was looking at this '08 SLK... let me throw a couple of subtle hints his way"

What is so ironic about the "bopper" example's is that the only way these things would constantly occur would be if there were no "goodies" being given up. That is the funny thing about it. After a guy has been intimate with you, your "worth" lessens. I know it is a double standard, but it is the truth.

People can talk about boppers all they want (as I once did) but the truth of the matter is a woman can get what ever she wants from a man as long as she keeps Ms. Kitty in her cage. Men are so turned on to mystery. Heck, they will pay top dollar for it. As soon as he has a chance to really see and get to know ALL... it's a wrap! There are women that talk to men for financial gain with out sex being involved (even though other things get compromised in the process).

It is my belief that a woman can ultimately have anything she wants and EVERYTHING her heart desires! There is absolutely nothing wrong with "faking it till you make it". You have to appreciate what you have and put yourself in the mind set that you have more. Pretty soon it will be inevitable!

Until women figure that out, it is not my place to judge.

The End.

~fakinittothetop~

What U'v Been W8ting 4!

2008-03-25T22:25:00.004Z

Hey there RADIANCE readers! Thanks for not giving up on me. It is time for me to finish my re-reinvention! I know this is long awaited. I haven’t wrote in my blog since Christmas. I am not sure what excuse I would like to use for my lack of dedication.

Honestly, I had become so selfish. I was caught up in a relationship that I was forcing myself in. Yes Ladies and Gents… it was a taste of my Hiatus all over again. I so appreciate each of you hanging with me as I went back and forth on decisions for my personal life.

Where am I now?

I am happily single and enjoying life with my beautiful 5 year old Sun (on). I kissed the love of my (former) life goodbye and decided I would create a new life for my son and myself. In the words of my girl (India Arie), there is a blessing in every lesson and I am glad I knew him at all. We will always be best friends and he is forever embedded in my heart. It is simply past time that I work on me (foreal) and let God work in His time.

ENOUGH of this relationship stuff.

What else has went on in Rai’s life over the last 3 months?

January:

I had the BEST Golden Birthday EVER! I turned 27 on January 27th and my girls and BF made it EXTRA special for me. I am talking about movie S T A R treatment! The entire weekend was exquisite!

February:

This month started out in preparation for Sun’s BDay (Feb. 10th). I planned him a surprise party at good ole Mickey D’s! He was SHOCKED! His dad and his fiancé (wife as of Feb. 23rd) brought him to the restaurant thinking that he was just there to see me. Well… as soon as he rounded the corner, there I stood along with 10 of his friend, cake and presents. He was so excited about this.

On Valentines Day I had dinner with my girlfriends. Shortly after, I boarded a plane (8am the next morning) headed to New Orleans for All Star Weekend! Boy… we had fun… drama… (before we left) but fun nontheless!

I must back up… a good friend of mine got engaged on the 9th of this eventful month, which was also drama filled. Love u Bossy ;o)

NEW ORLEANS LOUISIANA !!!
Home of the Drive Thru Daiquiri Window! This city has absolutely NO shame. There are daiquiri shops on every corner. People just drinking and driving, and get this, NO BODY CARES! That was such a trip to me.

I spent the weekend sightseeing and bonding with really good friends. On morning I took a much-needed stroll down Canal Street and linked up with another good friend (though I didn’t realize it at the moment). I have to admit to myself… I met one of the many “me’s” only in the form of a guy. We are simply friends and that is just the way I like it.

It would probably take me a couple 100 blog entries to recant the trip, but I will not bother with taking up any more of your time than I already will.

The month ended with a good guy friend of mine and CK (my Son’s Dad) getting married to the loves of their lives. My friend wed at 12:30pm on February 23rd and CK wed an hour later at 1:30pm. I sincerely wish each of them the best in their marriages!

March:

March has been a liberating month. Went on a shopping spree with a dear friend, that is an indeed life saver. It’s funny, just when I feel like I am the last one left in this world a miracle happens.

I got four new tattoos (1 in Feb. and 3 in March)! That puts me at 10 total... I know... it seems like yesterday I was only getting my 2nd one! I am just feeling so free nowadays! It feels good!

I drove to Dallas last weekend to check on my family and had time to spend with some dear friends. It felt good to have money in my pocket and good friends in my corner.

I guess this sums up my MA “ness” in the several months. I have my laptop now, so there will be more to come!

The End.

~iknowumissedmissingme!~

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-25T21:33:00.000Z

Hey Guys... Too too long of a time not posting on my blog. Whew hew! It is Christmas Day and I am so excited. I am home (Dallas, Tx) for the holidays. As I sit here and type on my brand (mostly) new Dell Lap Top computer. I can only be grateful. My other half gave it to me this morning. I am ssssooo excited, because now I actually get to blog in the comfort of mi casa.

God is good!

I am sitting on the front step of my parents house in "Stepford" Texas. I so often compare this serene part of town to the movie... Stepford Wives. I am so blessed for all that He has granted me with. I am watching my Sunshine ride on his brand new Razor Scooter. After a few failed attempts he is actually getting use to the contraption. I figure it is easier to let him figure it out himself.

So...

I am officially finishing my book... (coming Fall '08). There are so many projects I can get done now that I have unlimited access to a computadora! Many prosperous things will transpire in my near future... I cannot complain.

Food, family, and fun. Those are three things I live for. I have since came in as the sun has set. I have loads of family members downstairs catching up on each other's lives all while enjoying a hearty meal.

Best believe I am back in my zone and have no plans to stray from Return 2 Radiance again!

I will keep you updated on the goings on in Dallas. I will be here until Saturday.

The End.

~merrychristmas!~

Yes... Your "Fine"ness!

2007-11-02T01:28:00.000Z

So... the Divine Ms. Radiance herself has fully committed to getting fine... I mean, I am working with a lil bit as we speak, I just need to critique what I have.

So... can you all keep a secret?

I hope so.

I will be entering a Ms. Fit competition in the summer (early July) and I am in the process of getting my body ready for the whole ordeal. I really only need to lose 15lbs and 8% body fat (for me). As far as the competition is concerned, I need to shed 20lbs and between 10 and 12 percent body fat. That would put me in perfect fitness model condition.

I am giving myself 9 months because I want to slowly get my body use to the vigorous working out and healthy eating habits. I also don't want to put so much pressure on myself to do everything so quickly. I will definitely keep you all posted on my progress.

I officially started my regime on October the 8th, so currently, I am getting my body acclimated to working out... which is working out pretty good. I am in the gym 6 times a week and I already feel different. I am more energized and feel better in my clothes (everything is firming up). I am finishing up week 4 and all is well!

I will keep you posted.

The End.

~yes...yourfineness?~

He Called...

2007-11-01T21:42:00.000Z

I was so taken aback a few moments ago. My admirer, who I entertained during my 1 1/2 month break-up called me today. He left a message, that stated how much he missed hearing my voice and wanted to make sure I was doing okay. He has been including me in his prayers daily (so he said) and wanted to make sure I was doing fine.

I must admit... his message did take me completely off guard. I hadn't spoken with him in over a month and it was really nostalgic to hear his voice. I think about him sometimes... just wondering if he is okay, as it would be close to impossible to be anything more than a friend to him (not to mention the fact that I am "in love" currently). It is weird because we had so much fun in such a small amount of time, but that is all it was... fun. The maturity level and connection (mentally) was not there. We were two different people searching desperately for two different things.

I really would like to call him back (to say hi), but I won't. It will open up a can that I do not have the time, energy or effort to worry about closing... for good! I will say a prayer for him tonight in hopes that all is well in his life.

Just thought I would share!

The End.

~hecalledafterthefall~

Why “Will” I Get Married?

2007-10-31T01:18:00.000Z

Obviously this post is based on the Tyler Perry’s (movie) Why Did I Get Married?. My other half and I went to see his movie this past weekend and… whew… how amazing. Tyler did a wonderful job of depicting the lives of four married couples. He discussed everything from infidelity, careers, tragedy, parenting, and much more. If you haven't seen it yet... GO CHECK IT OUT! Extremely good movie! It gives a realistic view of marriage, from various angles. I will place a trailer of the movie below, but I will aim to use this post to discuss what marriage means to me.

Why Did I Get Married? (Check it out below)

Well… I too have caught the marriage bug! I am so ready to settle down… and I am sure that I have found my mate. He is talking about proposing at years end, and I am so gitty! I knew that he would be my husband the moment we met. I will admit… we did go through a few turbulent times in our relationship. When all was said and done we would always end up back with each other. He is truly my “bestest” friend in the whole wide world, and I wouldn’t trade our relationship for anything.

I guess what I would say to women out there that have hopes of one day pursuing the marriage road is…

Meet your best friend
Connect on a romantic level
Make sure the two are congruent
Be totally honest with one another (even when it may hurt)

If you are able to do this while being madly in love (happiness will come and go- the most important part will be that one or the other will lead you/them back to it when you get off track).

Get Married! Only if it fits both of you all’s fancy!

The End.

~marriagebeginseverything ~

Check Mate!

2007-10-30T21:02:00.000Z

I have to share an experience of mine, which has happened in the last 24 hours. Where do I start?

Well in May of 2006, while I was on my Hiatus … I spent a lot of time in seclusion, writing in my blog. I wrote about myself (trials, tribulations and good stuff about my personal life) and I also discussed the lives of those around me. I thought I was home free because I used code names for those whom I was talking in depth about.

Before I go any further, it is important to know that everything I write about is intended for the best. I would use personal situations of those around me (and myself) to let women who were going through similar situations know that they too could overcome what ever obstacles that they were facing in life. Da Hiatus also served as a draft for my book, that I am currently in the process of writing.

Getting you up to date…

I ran into an old buddy of mine around May 21st and (due to the fact we hadn’t seen each other (minus one time) in 3 years) we played catch up (over margaritas). I shared personal info with her about my life and what she had missed in the last three years and she did the same thing for me. She was going through a hard time in her relationship at the time and she shared with me (in detail) the details of her situation. In my personal opinion, I thought a lot of women could learn from her issue, so I posted about it on my blog. She had a unique last name, so I referred to her by it in the post. I had seen this person once in 3 yrs (at the time) so I figured it was anonymous enough. I wrote about the situation, gave encouraging words, and that was the end of that.

So I thought!

This brings us up to date. Yesterday I was checking email and I ran across a message from an unfamiliar name. When I checked it, the young lady introduced herself and stated that she knew the woman that I referred to in the post personally and she felt it was not right to post her personal information for the whole world to see.

This really threw me for a loop because I couldn’t remember the post as it had been over a year since I posted it and I have now created a totally new blog… Return to Radiance (YAY). So, I did have to do my research and pulled up the post.

Looking back I did put her business in the street, but my intentions were good. I wanted other women in her same situation to learn to embrace and love themselves, even if the people in their lives weren’t showing them the same. We have all put up with our own share of BS from the opposite (or same in some cases) sex. We are no better than her and that situation, as she is no better than us. We are actually the same! We as women are in this together and it is solely up to us to know and respect that. We also need to be here to support one another.

In closing I want to thank “Priceless” friend for calling me out on that. Check Mate Girlie! I love my blog and I get so used to being free with myself, I have to be mindful that it is not my place to be as FREE with info that people trust me with, even if I want to use it to encourage and inspire others.

Another apology goes out to “Bright Beauty” for being put on BLAST in a sense. Your business is yours. I have since removed the post from Da Hiatus and will never post about you again. Love you girl.

Whew!

That is through…

Now brace yourself for more rumblings from Rai’s life!

The End.

~whaddyaknow…checkmate!~

WHOA! Rai's Return!

2007-10-23T23:09:00.000+01:00

I do apologize so deeply for my departure from Return to Radiance. The past month and a half has been quite eventful... to say the least.

I am currently going through a transition in my life and I had to take time out to deal with it. Not to mention, I had put on a whopping 10 lbs. in the course of the last couple of months. To say the least... I have been hard at work in the gym for the last 3 weeks attempting to shed these pounds.

I am putting my life back in order one step at a time. Ladies and Gents... Rai was falling A P A R T! I have since taken time to replenish my mind, body, and spirit. Boy! I feel good... Let's see... what have you all missed...

I rekindled the flame with my other half... you all experienced our escapades during "Da Hiatus". Our foundation was so intact, that it has kept us during all of that. I am not sure what the future holds but, it sure feels good to have my best friend back! I will admit that I felt pretty bad about playing with the heart of my admirer. It was totally unintentional.

Sunshine is enjoying his second month of Pre-K and I am so elated! He is really enjoying school, and I am so happy for him. He can fully write his name, numbers and alphabet! Little Mr. Smart can also read and write the following words; mom, dad, cat and dog. My baby can do this at the tender age of 4! I am too too proud.

I took a road trip home to Dallas this past weekend and had a BLAST!

Realistically there is too much info to cover in this one post, so I will save the rest for later. No worries though... I will began to post more. I missed you all!

The End.

~i'm bbbbbaaaaaaaaccck!~

Ladies Night!!!!!!!!

2007-09-08T22:39:00.000+01:00

How excited am I about having the opportunity to hang with my best Gal Pal's last night/this morning? Well... excited indeed. We partied clear into the early morning hours (didn't head to bed until 7am). I hadn't hung out like such in a very long time. It was amazing.

We started the night out at a Sushi Bar. Ahhhh... so much fun, not to mention the DJ spinning a plethora of hot songs. Girls just being girls! We ate, drank, an danced the night away! So much fun!

Just when we thought for sure the night couldn't be any more pleasurable, we headed to a club downtown. Talking about dancing the night away... that is exactly what happen. We were greeted by two more of our crew members... that put us six deep... talking about T R O U B L E! That is indeed what we were capable of producing. I left my camera in the car while we clubbed... I wish I could have captured the scene for each to see. Unfortunately I wasn't able to do so. I started a mini Striptease Aerobics class in the center of the dance floor! Guys were bringing their girlfriends over to "learn to shake it right". AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH we had fun!

After the partying ceased, we headed straight to my best gal Bossy's house. Off came the clothes and on came the swim suits. Mind you.... by this time it is 4:30am and we are still hanging out! Early morning cocktails by the pool. F U N! We clowned and clowned until it was time to head in for the night. Even when we did head in for the night it wasn't quite over.

We spent another couple of hours hanging out in Bossy's bed talking about EVERYTHING! We sniggled and giggled as much as we ever have and it was indeed fun. I mean... laughing into we busted guts. We were like little school girls.

We truly embraced and had an excellent night/morning with each other. We look forward to doing it again tonight. I thought it would only be fitting that I include each of you on this journey I call Rai's life!

The moral of the story is... ENJOY your friends, family and loved ones. You only get a few good sets in your lifetime. Cherish each and every moment you share with those you love. Laugh and enjoy what all God has blessed your life with.

The End.

~ladiesnightatitsperfection~

Life...Love...Laughter

2007-09-06T01:28:00.000+01:00

I thought I would bless each of you with a pic of me... prior to my "Cinderella Ball" a couple of weeks ago. Enjoy!

As I enter September I have no choice but to be ELATED! Some would say (from the outside looking in) that my life has been a tad dramatic. I would say... hum.... I have learned more about life, love, and laughter (thanks L Bizzle) in the last month than I have ever in my entire lifetime.

It is so important for us to always treasure the important things in our lives when we have them. It is also extremely important to be happy T O D A Y! No matter what others may think. We hold the key to our own happiness. Things will never be perfect but happiness should always be the common denominator.

When people show you who they are B E L I E V E them.

Never hold grudges or hate in your heart for anyone. We are all trying to figure out this thing called life. We all have our own perception of reality and truth. When the two don't line up... V A C A T E immediately! We are all destined to find it all.

Ah the Paparazzi.... the life of a S U P A S T A R... some may not understand... but everyone is entitled to the life that they so chose. When you have given something your absolute all (only you and God will ever truly know) and you still lack the fruits of your labor... MOVE AROUND.

When you sow fertile seeds you bear good fruit. When you sow infertile seeds... we know the rest. I was sent the best quote today... check it out...

When God takes something from your grasp, He's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better.

"The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you"

I definitely fully believe in and receive that message with my full heart. I have indeed lived a crazy life... done some crazy things... believed a bunch of lies... and God knows I have been 1 too many fools.

Game over.

The End.

Hello Destiny! Oh how I have longed for your tender touch.

The moral of this story is... live... love... and laugh. Never let anyone tell you what Y O U deserve or define you. God is the only one who has the authority to judge you... heck... he is the only one that knows your true heart... He created you.

Let's take a moment and stop attempting to understand others... let's work on ourselves... and not worry about how others perceive in which we do so!

Good Night.

The End.

Foreal this time.

~liveloveandlaugh~

Rai's Thoughts...

2007-08-29T02:01:00.000+01:00

So... I have been told that my posts have been a tad too... "We are the world" lately. I dunno... can't really explain why. I have just been going through so much lately, that I wanted to... in some small way reach out to those that may have been going through something similar in their lives.

I digress...

Will women ever really be happy? One minute we want something... two seconds later it all changes?

Is there really a such thing as Mr. Right?

Are all women secretly attracted to other women? (at least sexually)

Do your thoughts really determine your destiny?

Will man/woman ever completely be satisfied with their counterpart?

Does Mr./Mrs. Perfect really exist?

Why do people complain about their surroundings but neglect to change themselves.... ?

Why are we so afraid to step outside of our comfort zone?

BINGO.....

I've got it! I challenge each and everyone of you reading this blog to step outside of your comfort zone. Do something that you have always wanted to do, but have been too ashamed/embarrassed/afraid to do. Forget what others may think... step out on faith and do something you have always wanted to do!

That's it...

I am headed to Mexico... alone... for one week. I will keep each of you updated!

The End.

~peaceandchickengrease~

Important Information...

2007-08-28T02:02:00.000+01:00

Let's see... I will begin this post by sending BBBBBBBBIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGG H U G S and kisses to my best gal... Summa Leggz Da G! I missed you when I came to town girly, but we will definitely get it done next go 'round. I was with Sun... so the days were so hectic. I did miss you mucho Chica!

Moving A L O N G...

Sunshine is going to Pre-School... T H A N K Y OU -------> God <----. My baby got into a good Christian Pre-School! After going through with CK (my BD) I finally made it happen.

God is GREAT!

Talked to my best friend today... It was really good to hear his voice. It had been awhile since we talked... with out it being about "us". It felt good to have my buddy back.

I got a very interesting forward this evening. Check it out...

CHILD SECURITY ISSUE

Google has implemented a new feature which enables you to type a telephone number into the search bar and hit enter and you will be given the person's name and address. If you then hit MapQuest, you will get a map to the person's house. Everyone should be aware of this! It's a nationwide reverse telephone book.

If a child gives out his/her phone number, someone can now look it up to find out where he/she lives. The safety issues are obvious, and alarming.

Note that you can have your phone number removed or blocked. I tried my number and it came up along with the mapquest and directions straight to our house. I did fill out the removal form for myself, and encourage all of you to do the same. Quite scary.

Please look up your own number.

In order to test whether your phone number is mapped, go to: google ( http://www.google.com/) Type your phone number in the search bar ( i.e. 555-555-1212) and hit enter. If you want to BLOCK Google from divulging
your private information, simply click on your telephone number and then click on the Removal Form. Removal takes 48-hours.

Check your own number and although this may not apply to you if you have an unlisted number or cell phone as primary contact, but you may know someone who needs to know this.

Please share this information with friends and family.

Make sure you all check this out... REMOVE your number immediately!

Let's see... all is hard yet WONDROUS with the world.

I wonder what is next..?...

The End.

~ahimportantinfo~

YAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

2007-08-20T23:27:00.000+01:00

Even the roughest of times can be the best. August is coming to an end and I am ssssssssssooooooooo excited about all of the possibilities. My life... my life... my life...

Sometimes we spend an eternity knocking on life's door. We spend time knocking and knocking and knocking... sometimes all we have to do is open the door. B I N G O! It's there...

I made a lot of tough decisions this month... some of which certain may challenge... but you know what? I make decisions for me! I have spent far too much time worried about the feelings of others. It is time that I ensure my happiness.

I proceed...

Still working towards Sun's pre-school education... He has spent the last 41/2 years with me during the day. It is time for him to explore his own space... Pre Kindergarten... here Sun comes!

Oooohhh....... I am fine.

So, in my efforts to de-stress myself, I have began to work out... ah what a great feeling. I am so excited about life and A L L her beautiful possibilities.

Let's see...

Went dancing Saturday night... I mean for real dancing... swinging... salsa... mamba... E V E R Y T H I N G! It was so fun to leave my inhibitions at the door and have a great time. It had been awhile since I spent a night as Cinderella...

I guess what I am enjoying most about life nowadays is that I am free to be me. I don't have to answer my phone if I don't want to... not to mention my door! I read more... yoga... spend time with friends... working on this whole school thing... and getting ready for my disappearing act yet to come. Sometimes you must go where your services are needed. Why stand in the line for water, when you would much better prefer a natural fruit smoothie...

They are both nutritious... in different ways.

Went on a nice walk... enjoyed all of life's simplicities... why do we make this so hard?

I am getting nearer and nearer to my Good Place!

Note to Women:

Appreciate yourself ladies! No one will do if for you! Don't be afraid to go out on a limb and stand for what you believe in. God ALWAYS works it out in the end. Sometimes it may not make much sense, but know that He has a plan for your life that often times is so much bigger than what you may think. Believe what you see... each and every one of you deserve the best... and He has planned it all out for you.

Peace and Blessings to each of you.

The End.

~yyyyyaaaaayyyyyyy!~

Safe in His Arms...

2007-08-08T21:13:00.000+01:00

I had to share this wonderful pic of Man Saving Woman. Sometimes we all need a break from the madness. I know personally, I grow tired of promises... actions definitely feel better.

...I am truly grateful that he found me... even though there were times when I thought I already was...

found.

The End.

~savingthebestavoidingtherest~

I Choose Life...

2007-08-08T20:34:00.000+01:00

Hey Guys... This was a forward I received via email last week... truly words to live by.

THE DAILY MOTIVATOR
Thursday, August 2, 2007

Live by intention
+++++++++++++++++++

Think before you do. Don't just automatically react to life or live by blind habit.

Think about what you're about to do, and think about the consequences. Remember that when you choose the action, you're also choosing all the things that result from that action.

When you choose to eat half a dozen doughnuts, you're choosing to put fat on your body. When you choose to be sloppy with your work, you're choosing to sabotage your own career.

When you choose to rise early and start getting things done, you're choosing to create real and lasting value in your own life and in the world around you.

When you choose to stay focused on an important task, you're choosing to enjoy the rewards that come from real accomplishment.

Live your life based on your own best intentions. Each action you take has very real consequences, and you are in a position to select the exact consequences that you wish to bring about.

It only takes a brief moment to think before you act. Do it every time, and your life will follow the precise path you choose.

Ralph Marston

The End.

~uchoose~

HAPPY AUGUST!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-08-08T20:21:00.000+01:00

Hello Return Readers!

I am extremely ELATED about the new possibilities of August.

Let's see...

I went to Dallas this past weekend for my Family Reunion. It was such a pleasure and honor to see all of my family. I traveled to Houston with a dear friend who was also able to join in the festivities. It was AWESOME!

I taught my niece (almost 1 yr.) How to say Auntie (my name)... she says it... "Aaaah T!" It is the cutest thing.

Sweetest memory of the weekend...

Walking into the suite (that I shared with my family) to see:

My mother and her husband in one of the beds
and
My brother, his daughter, and my son fast asleep in the other.

I had not seen my whole family together like that in what seemed like an ETERNITY!

A dear friend came down to join me and Bossy... truly WONDERFUL!

A close second was giving a truly priceless gift to a dear friend that experienced such a tragedy at the begining of the week, for a birthday present at weeks end.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well guys... I have a good feeling about the rest of my life... I see a bright clear future, that a part of me never thought I could genuinely feel.

I am living in true HAPPINESS!

The End.

~happyaugust~

Peace in the Sunshine

2007-08-02T02:42:00.000+01:00

I know... so long since I wrote. Not sure why. I think it is just that I have been in search of the right thing to say. So much went on in my life during the month of July. It was truly breath taking. The lesson I take away from it all...

rest.
plus
relaxation.
equals
restoration.

That's it! I have been restoring myself. Enjoying the beauty (internal and external) that He made. Can you believe it... He made me! Quirks and all. It has been an amazing journey thus far. So many people see my light... so many... and to think... I attempt not to let it shine...

trust.

There are somethings in life that you just can't block. My light is definitely one of them!

Met several men who want me... deeply (what's new... doesn't everyone?) No... this is different.
Man A: Older, wealthy and extremely powerful.
Man B: Older, wealthy and extremely spoiled.
Man C: Younger, intelligent (potential for wealth) and blind (speaking metaphorically).
Man D: Older, wealthy and curious.

I won't list my best friend... there is no comparison to him.

All attempt to "buy" me in their own way. Some physically, others mentally and emotionally... not to mention spiritually.

What do I say to all this:

Rai smiles and steps away... time to bask in the peace of my own sunshine.

The End.

P.S.
My destiny is right in front of me... I am tired of looking at the door... time to knock that mutha down and step in!

~thereisstillpeaceinthesunshine~

Livin' It Up...

2007-07-18T02:38:00.000+01:00

Just thought I would share this pic of me and a friend this past weekend!

Boy! I love my life!

The End.

~asmileadaypavesdaway~

Purge... Take 1 (Then I am Through ;o))

2007-07-17T02:50:00.000+01:00

Ah a Funny Thing

Why do we as humans want the tangible?
Things that may be a bit to far for us to reach.
Why do we entertain situations and ideals that we are totally against?
We tend to put more of our trust in people than God.

Rai Rambles…

1st Strike… The Break Up
Inner voice: Girl let it go… you deserve much better than him anyway… too many issues to deal with.

Enter… “Possibilities and Entertainment”

Pretty soon in comes the “I really want to be with you… let’s make this work conversation”. Ok… back to a relationship!

2nd Strike…. The Other Woman (Part 1)
Inner voice: Ok… she needs to move on. She couldn’t possibly be telling the truth… I am with him all the time.

3rd Strike…. The Other Woman (Part 2)
Inner voice: WTF? I know he is not entertaining this female outside on his porch in a towel… WHAT? He watched me walk away and nothing was said… no… come back let me explain…nothing.

Enter…. “More Possibilities and Extra Entertainment” Mama aint raised no Fool!

4th Strike… I know… I know… Game isn’t over yet… The alleged trip out of town (a dinner and a movie with the ex… she leaves during which to “get comfortable” coming back in a t-shirt and panties) Of course nothing happened though.
Inner voice: At this point… I am a single being (which I always was being that I am not married) Love is enough… it can get us through.

5th Strike…. Business before Pleasure… The “help out planned that almost got me hemmed up with the police… with out him having my back.
Inner voice: HELL NO! Bye! There is only so much a girl can take.

Okay…

I know we had our quirks, but I was in it to win it (until a couple months ago). I had been preparing myself mentally and emotionally for the time I would say goodbye… we would say goodbye. I will forever be me and he will be him. It is too much… too different. We were too different to be of any use to each other. Sad when that happens huh?

Truly, I live a crazy and upbeat life. No one really knows me… not even him. I tend create characters pending the person I am with… I will admit each character is a piece of me… but no one sees the completion of Rai.

I will say this… I cared for and was physically faithful to him… I don’t even care too much about men like that. He did have a piece of me… a small piece but a piece nonetheless.

I have decided to do something completely different for a while… I will keep a few males in my life but I am deciding to take a break from men all together. What this means? I really don’t know, but what I will say is I am no good for anyone right now.

I am completing my degree and moving in a great direction career wise. I will continue to take care of my son and achieve euphoria on my own.

Whew…

What a ramble.

The End.

~randomthoughtsofrai~

Bag Exchange...

2007-07-16T21:59:00.000+01:00

No Worries!

Hey Ladies and Gents… I am indeed back and life is GREAT! Spent a hectic (early part of the) month… but God does bless those who are patient and have faith. I just dropped off a HUGE piece of luggage that I had tried too long to part with.

It IS GONE!!!!!!!!! Whew… ok, I know it seems that I am a tad bit elated, but I will admit it was a bittersweet occurrence. Life is full of decisions… some are harder that others… nevertheless no one should settle for less than they (individually deserve). So, I said goodbye to a HUGE trunk (of baggage) and hello to three small duffle bags (of possibilities). Hehehe… life is beginning to look up!

I am doing well in my career and making plans to better that situation… my friends are more lovely than ever… my son is my buddy… family is great… about to start school (tuition already paid in full for the year)… all bills are completely paid (for the next six months at least)…. I am truly starting to focus on getting where I need to be in life… BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY!

On a side note…

Ladies… Stop waiting for your Prince! Get off of your behind and get it! Nothing in life is promised to us. Handle your business to make sure you are good… get your own… don’t solely rely on anyone to help you… nonetheless, take all you can get to add to what you’ve got.

Don’t get carried away Ladies… know when to say when… don’t sell your soul… you have to keep something for you.

I will post more on this topic later, but feel free to correspond to me at mentalradiance@yahoo.com .

The show is over… I was getting tired of playing my role anyway! Time to be me… with out all this commitment stuff.

The End.

P.S.
I hope you enjoyed "Dat Boi...". (winks) I have to give you your props… you wouldn’t budge… and the past few months were some of my better work! That is why you will forever be my Honorary Boy... fo Lyfe!

~wellplaytimeindeedisover~

CHEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEE!

2007-07-04T00:54:00.000+01:00

I am having such a blast playing around with my digital camera!

Supermodel Radiance!

The End.

~ccccchhhhhhhhheeeeeeessssssseeeeeee!~

Rai's Ways...

2007-07-04T00:51:00.000+01:00

Gotta love the pic of me from Friday… I am getting pretty good at this photo stuff. The short story behind the pic is… the girls and me were at Happy Hour, when I noticed a guy with sunglasses, a diamond ring and Jesus chain on. I thought it was hilarious (at 10pm) so I asked if I could take a pic in his getup.

So it has indeed been awhile since I wrote… My life has definitely been full of surprises. I wish I could tell even half of it… but I have so many eyes watching over me and this blog and I would never want to “throw anyone under the bus” so to speak by airing my business… which in a form is theirs as well. I will talk about general subjects though…

Shout out to Leggs… Your new tat is AWESOME… glad I could be an inspiration!

Ah The Ways of Rai…

The month of June was quite insightful to say the least. It started out rather rocky to say the least…

Around week two of June CK my BD (Baby’s Daddy) decided he wanted to question my parenting skills. Let it be known that I do everything in my power to take care of my baby. He eats three meals a day (plus snacks), he has clothes on his back (brand new) and he spends quality time with me daily (which also happens to be a facility were he gets to play with children from diverse backgrounds). This questioning came shortly after his engagement. So… to speed up the story… It became a situation were I was in the backseat of his car (he was taking me to my car to get Sun’s things so he could go with him for the weekend). He began to talk to me in a manner that I didn’t agree with… I got furious… all I saw was red… I then open the door and walk out…

Yes ladies and gentlemen… the car was in motion… he had to be going at least 30 miles an hour. As I placed my left for on the ground my knees immediately buckled and I was pulled to the ground. For those of you who know me… imagine me sitting in the back seat with two bags on each shoulder, reaching for the door… saying… “YOU DON’T KNOW MMEEEEE…” as I fall from the vehicle. The back tire of his car barely grazed the side of me head…

I have definitely stopped letting others control my temper. I have learned from my mistakes…

The end of June… aha what can I say… I ended up with two extreme pursuers who are stereotypical of everything I want in a partner and one non-pursuer who could care less… I just can’t let him go…

Imagine being offered the world twice in a nutshell… but chosing to wait for it with your best friend. Not to mention… being involve with someone just like you (when it comes to relationships). I will not go into details about it… let’s just say…

I am a magnet!

The End.

~byejuneitissogreattoseeyougo!~

Rai's Day...

2007-06-25T18:59:00.000+01:00

I just had to post this pic of me yesterday. I spent a relaxing day in the park with someone who means the world to me. I was in deep thought at the given time that this photo was taken. I have really grown as a person and it feels good to share that growth with those I care most about.

The End.

~rastepsintohernewday!~

The Riverdance: W/ a Sub(URBAN) Twist.

2007-06-22T21:36:00.000+01:00

This by far is the funniest You Tube Video I have seen thus far!

Enjoy!

The End.

p.s.

I am loving the leprechaun!

~aninterestingtwistontheriverdance~

Wow... What a (couple of) Week(s)

2007-06-20T22:28:00.000+01:00

I thought it would be nice to share a new pic of Sunshine and myself... our shadows!

Ok... I am indeed here and I did not fall off of the face of the earth. There has been so much that has happened in my life since I last wrote, from falling out of moving vehicles to nursing a severe heat rash to catching a loved one in the middle of a lie to spending time with my road dog that I hadn't seen in a while to having the worst hang over in years to starting the Chinese practice Feng Shui to discovering my passion... photography to being propositioned by a married sugar daddy to having baby daddy drama to seriously contemplating going solo to catching the eye of "Pastor"...

I could go on but I choose not to. I will explain more in a later post. Know that I am still around and due to the fact that Sun and I are attending vacation bible school this week... my time will be limited. I will definitely reach out at the next available time.

The End.

~wowwhatawonderaweekworks!~

Freedom Flies On... ;o)

2007-06-04T21:50:00.000+01:00

Well... well... well... I got my latest inking on Saturday... A beautiful Butterfly on my left shoulder... lucky number 7 (tattoo). I must admit. It feels really liberating to creatively express myself. I'll post the latest later...

The End.

~flyraifly~

Feel the Raindrops...

2007-06-02T23:45:00.000+01:00

I come from a peaceful place today. I have been jamming Natasha Beddingfield's... Unwritten album for the past two weeks. Unwritten is by far one of my top three pics on her album (which released in 2005). The chorus of the song is...

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your innovations
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

~Natasha Beddingfield~

I have spent an eternity with an umbrella attempting to shelter myself from this wonderful "thing" called life. There is so much I would like to say and so much I would like to do. I am in the process of submerging myself into all the things that mean so much to me. My love for art... culture... family... and for most... Him.

The End.

~ahtherainfeelzgoodonmaskin!~

Ehh..Reinvention?

2007-06-01T02:53:00.000+01:00

Whaddya know…. Lisa Bonet legally changed her name to Lilaquoi Moon… back in ’95. Where was I? Apparently no where close to the loop! I have to respect her though… Ok… let me rewind… hopefully each of you remember Lisa Bonet as Denise Huxtable from the Cosby Show. She was the 2nd oldest daughter, and “black sheep” of the family. She was married to Lenny Kravitz (from 1987-93) during which she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Zoe. She has been out of mainstream TV for years. I ran across this fact today and thought I would share with each of you.

This intros me into the topic of this post…

Rai’s Reinvention…

It has been a long time in the making, but, it is far past time for the official reinvention… it is far past time that I pursue my destiny… merge into a new entity of me… I have recently (a year ago) come out of my box and it feels so good to be free all while enjoying the little things in life…

R A D I A N C E… will live on for a little while longer… then I will partake in my rebirth… a much-needed rebirth.

Peace and Blessings.

The End.

~reinventingraimightsavetheday!~

Ah… Hilarity…

2007-05-31T02:50:00.000+01:00

It has recently been brought to my attention, that I am indeed what some would call a “Hot Mess”! Ok… let’s fully analyze this term…

A Hot Mess is the slang interpretation of being a combination of the following: “silly”, “crazy”, “goofy”, “uninhibited”… and comfortable with the combination. I am by far the “ham” of my group of friends… I blurt out any random funny thing that comes to mind.

Fast forward…

For some reason I got a few crazy mental pictures the other day… call it a daydream of sorts …

Ah The Scenarios…

A perfectly toned man sits in front of the woman of his dreams completely naked, masturbating at the mere thought of being intimate with… her. As his ejaculation occurs he silences the moans of ecstasy as not to alarm her of how much he would prefer being inside of her as opposed to his hand. But he can’t… life won’t allow.

FRUSTRATION!

More…

A beautiful woman leaves a party with her two closest friends, headed in from a night of partying. Beauty… as she will be called, jumped in the car with one of the two. After a brief conversation about their mutual interest in women… Beauty later finds herself laid out spread eagle with her best girl pal feasting in her sweet valley. They take turns exploring each other’s body… the sun rises.

EXPERIMENTATION!

Finally…

Boy and girl meet in college. They date for a while, and then decide to take their relationship to another level. Girl was a little weary, because she had a boyfriend back in her hometown and she hadn’t completely decided to end it with him. She was more sure than not, so she decided to go ahead and share an extremely intimate evening with her newfound beau. First, they start out with passionate kissing, and then petting… she slowly eases his pants down. His penis felt soft and unaware… she continued to pet… lick… full out suck… NOTHING! He also joined in on the action… petting her and attempting to gain an erection… NOTHING! So she wears tired and politely excuses herself to the bathroom (then discretely runs across the hall to the room of dear friends to laugh hysterically at his expense).

HUMILIATION!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guess today is composed of more rambles. There will be more to come…

How about those gas prices? $3.22- National Average per Gallon

The End.

~someoneneedstocleanupthehotmess!~

Say CCCHHEESSSEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!

2007-05-30T00:16:00.001+01:00

Thought I would share a cute pic of me, Divine, and her mommy, this past Sunday night.

Enjoy!

The End.

~cccccccchhhhhhhhheeeeeeeesssssssssseeeeeeeee!~

Rai’s Relationship Ramble

2007-05-29T23:16:00.000+01:00

I thought this would be a perfect topic to discuss, due to recent events that have occurred around me. Will we, as women ever really understand relationships? Is there any such thing as trust? I mean real T R U S T? Has honesty completely gone out the window as it pertains to relationships? Does he tell you everything? Do you tell him E V E R Y T H I N G? Omission… is it lying? Leading people to think something that may not necessarily be true, only to spare their feelings. Is that ok?

DOUBLE LIFE…

When is the selection process complete? “I love you?”. “You are the one for me”. “I can only see myself with you”. These are all words… that’s it. What happens when you find out about the “Other Woman”? Or is “she” actually you?

You are spending a romantic evening with your “man”. He has gotten out of the shower, (drying off) and you all hear a knock at the door. He throws on a towel to cover himself and heads to the door. You don’t think much of it, until you hear the voice of a woman. Shortly after, you hear the door close accompanied by complete silence. You wait for about 10 mins and then pack up your belongings and prepare to leave. Has you open the door, you see him standing on the front porch, completely naked underneath a towel, talking to her (his “ex” girlfriend, so he says). You politely excuse yourself to your vehicle were youthen proceed to head “home”.

As you drive away many thoughts leave and enter your mind. The biggest is why he didn’t even ATTEMPT to stop you from leaving. Then you thank God that he didn’t so you would be able to see his true colors. You then realize that you can’t be too mad at the fact that “she” showed up, as you yourself had not a squeaky clean track record (he had no knowledge of this lacking). You then begin to get extremely H O T because of the lack of respect. He then calls you (30 mins later) to “explain”, and half way through the explanation, “she” is clearly heard on the other end of the phone line saying, “Tell her the truth!”. You explain to him that ya’ll are still cool and that he needs to handle that situation because, you are drama free. You hang up the phone, and head for a “quick fix” to take your mind off of things.

How mad can you really be? People get so upset when their significant others behave in a certain way… let’s keep it real. If we as women (and men) thought about all the questionable things we did… it would be a WHOLE different story!

*Trust ladies… a man will do what he can get away with (and we will too)… they are just way… way… sloppier than us. *

The moral of the story is that a friendship is the key to any relationship. We must understand that we are all technically single until we marry. Therefore, we are all figuring out this relationship thing. There is room for mistakes. I feel like we should examine ourselves, and should rank our “significant others” on the same scale. Until a man asks for your sincere hand in marriage, he is unsure about the relationship, and that is ok! Stop making him your complete world! A really close friend always reminds me the importance of life, love, and laughter!

The End.

~hahahahahahaha!~

Blah... Blah... Blah

2007-05-24T00:52:00.000+01:00

I am having a pretty ok day! It is so weird but I am unable to post too much about my current state of mind. There goes that freedom of speech thingy again! I guess... once you do put "things" out in the open... you make it possible for the world to treat you accordingly.

There are a lot of people who know me personally that read my blog. I am definitely ok with that. I mean... I have a couple of pictures posted through out of me. That is pretty cool! I have no problems with that whatsoever. It is due to that why I am unable to truly pour out my heart about what is going on in my mind.

I will say this... it is not personal. My relationship, is what it is. We are actually doing ok! I don't even think past the next 24 hrs. It keeps me sane! LOL!

I feel like I am stuck in place and unable to move... in life period! I have gotten in a rut... and golly gee I will indeed get out! I just need to stay focused and keep doing what I am doing. It is truly a different ball game when you have someone depending on you (Sun)! Then, the option of failing no longer exists. I realize I am talking in circles right now, and I will stop!

It is so weird to show your weaknesses. I am Rai... everyone else's strength! I do indeed get tired often times and need to lean on a shoulder instead of being one. This blog is my shoulder!

On Another Note!

G.A.S. (Gone Absolutely inSane)- The Gas prices are ridiculous! Who ever sent out that senseless email to boycott gas stations on May 15th... Get a Clue. Our Buddies over seas are going to win either way we look at it because we NEED to work... we NEED to go to school... we NEED to go to the grocery stores... doctors appointments... and everywhere else that requires us to drive... therefore... we NEED GAS! Since the 15th gas prices are actually about 5 to 10 cents higher than before! OMG!

I am convinced that only the good Lord himself will be able to knock down gas prices!

The End.

~blahblahblahblahblahblahblah~

Ooh Wee... Radiance

2007-05-22T01:57:00.000+01:00

I had to share this pic. It was taken this weekend after a fabulous night on the town. I know I need to take my behind somewhere and sit down! More intellect to come soon... for now I remain vain!

The End.

~oohweerai!~

Ramblings of Rai...

2007-05-22T01:49:00.000+01:00

So… I know what you all are pondering… “Who in the heck does she think she is taking time away from Return 2 Radiance?” I promise I have a very good excuse for my departure for the last week or so… I was just plain tired!

I just had to bless you all with a pic of me! I am beginning to post more. Let’s see…

Mother’s Day Weekend:
It was wonderful… let me take that back… While it was GREAT to see Momma G, Sunshine acted a complete Donkey all weekend long! It was so hard to keep my focus, while trying to deal w/ him and his temper tantrums. All in all I had fun w/ Fam and my best bud Divine (she strolled down with me for the weekend). Too much to talk about! I will post more later!

A Happier Me:
I have vowed to enjoy summer and not let the little things affect me. I also am attempting to be a better friend to those closest to me. By doing that I will contact a friend who I haven’t talked to in awhile. If you are reading this post (you know who you are) be looking for a call from me in the near future. I can’t wait to finish school and pursue the career of my dreams! I vow to take life one day at a time… enjoying every millisecond of it.

There is more, but I promise to be more creative later. I missed you all… too much on my mind to post about currently. I will post something nice and juicy soon!

The End.

~theramblesofraywillresumelater!~

Destination... Dallas!

2007-05-11T01:28:00.000+01:00

Ok... faithful Return 2 Radiance Readers... I must leave you all. If only for a weekend! I am heading up 45N to Dallas, this weekend!

Imma see my Momma... Imma see my Momma... Imma see my Momma!

I am so excited to trek up to the Metroplex with Sunshine to see my mother and other dear family members. There is sooo much going on in my life right now, and I would really like to share, but due to time restraints, I am unable to. I will give you all updates as available.

The End.

~ooohimmaseemymomma!~

Freedom of Me…

2007-05-09T22:42:00.000+01:00

I was chatting with a dear friend and fellow blogger of mine yesterday. She let the thoughts and opinions of others cause her to delete her entire blog. I had similar issues to deal with as well… with my “other half” back in Da Hiatus (my previous blog) days. He got really upset because I discussed intimate details about our relationship on MY blog.

I will be honest… there is a thin line between being opinionated and hurting the feelings of another. What it all boils down to…

Freedom to be YOU!

If someone is a true friend, you should be able to express your view of your dealings with him or her. I respect all of the people close to me, by not stating their “government” name on my blog. There goes the anonymity. What more is needed? Oooh… I see why celebrities oftentimes take a lot of heat. When ever you communicate to the masses about anything/one other then things directly pertaining to you, the door opens to people and their opinions.

The most important ideal in this whole situation is INTENT… your intent is all that matters. I am a brutally honest and up front person, but my intent is good. I simply deal with those around me as honestly as I possibly can. When asked a question (sometimes), my answer may not be what people want to hear, but it is how I truly feel. This tends to hurt the feelings of others (when presented in large doses). I know and understand this, so it has been my life’s work to balance being me all while incorporating a nicer delivery.

This whole blogging phenomenon is to give people a platform to express themselves… and whaddya know… those closest to us are attempting to cut that extremely short!

My Advice to Fellow Bloggers (as if you asked!):

Continue to express yourself! Be aware of the feelings of those closest to you, but ensure a form of anonymity. Best believe I have shared some private information about myself and those closest to me… the trick is to develop unique ways to convey it (via short stories, poems or taking the people away from the topic and discuss it in general). Always stay true to you.

My Advice to Friends of Fellow Bloggers:

Know and understand that things that happen with you and your friend will make it to their blog every now and again, and it is ok. As long as their intent is good and anonymity is there… don’t fret! Writers express themselves through word… it is ok. True friendship deserves honesty and freedom to be you.

Well… I think that is the end of my long spill. I guess this post is a GREAT example of my point. It was inspired by a real conversation and event that occurred recently in my life, and to think… I didn’t use any names… other than my own!

The End.

~thefreedomofmeisthefreedomtobe!~

Tales from Da Hood..

2007-05-03T22:54:00.000+01:00

Normally, I am a positive person and would never condone ignorance such as this... let alone post it on my blog, but I just had to share. A dear friend of mine (my ex-fiance) emailed this clip to me today, and I was in extreme disbelief! Some people question the validity of this tape. Coming from my 'hood (growing up) it definitely goes down like this!

Take a Look!

I don't condone domestic abuse, but Big Momma definitely held it down on her own!

The End.

~whysetyourselfupforfailure~

Message in a Massage

2007-05-03T22:39:00.000+01:00

Ah... yesterday I retreated! I left this world as I knew it at 7:45pm last night... only to return around 8:50pm. Yes... ladies and gents! I Radiance... got a massage. It was totally a spare of the moment sort of thing but... ah it was so relaxing!

I am so consumed with the hustle and bustle of the things around me, I rarely make the time for me. All of that changed on yesterday! I sat back... relaxed... and enjoyed the message of a lifetime ;o)! It was very relaxing and came at the perfect time, considering the roughness of my week.

The Message of My Massage...

Get back to you Rai! Stop stressing about life and love and keep it moving! It's far past time I stir up my life!

I challenge all of you... take time for yourself. Sit back, relax, and do something for you!

The End.

~enjoymassagingthemessageoutofyou!~

Peace in Me...

2007-05-01T01:41:00.000+01:00

For so long I have looked for happiness in the arms of others. I actually had to come to terms with this over the weekend. I often find validity in the confines of a relationship. Why am I so afraid of myself? I have pondered this question over and over.

Well... for once in my life I ponder NO MORE! I love me and God will send me that person who will do the same... in His time. I will be honest with you all... I have begin to get the marriage bug! Seriously... MARRIAGE has weighed heavily on my mind lately! I would have jumped into it in a heart beat! I was all mushy... and started to get upset (internally) with my partner because it seemed as if he didn't feel exactly the same way as me... I had to take a really deep breath...

There are a lot of things about my relationship that I would change in a heart beat, while there are others that are truly unique and irreplaceable (truly)! We both have things we need to work on... then there's PJ (the younger guy I hung out with during the breakup). He is so infatuated... he totally adores me and shows me that side of a man that I have missed for so long. Don't get it twisted... I by no means would leave my relationship for him... he just reminds me of those quirky things that I miss in a relationship. I think that is one of the reasons he was presented to me. What I have in my relationship is unique... genuine and truly heaven sent.

If I could ask God one thing it would be... why are the "surface" things weighing so heavenly on me when I have a true internal connection that only happens once in a lifetime?

I will wait for the answer but in the mean while I need to find the Peace in Me. I will be honest... something clicked for me yesterday. I spend so much time worried about my future, I don't fully enjoy my present.

I need to get back to me...

In My Perfect World

I would love to go camping in Montana... layout in the sun and feel the warm breeze on my skin. I would love to swim in the Pacific with the dolphins and then have dinner with Maya Angelou. A day in the hot seat on Oprah followed by a nice quiet evening along the Nile River would be great. I would have a nice cuddle with the kangaroos in Australia and make snow angels in Alaska. I would back pack in Honduras and hand out medicine in Africa. I would feed hungry children in Somalia and be the voice for women in Pakistan. I would write book after book and learn language after language. Time doing me... if only in my mind. Restoring the Peace in Me.

The End.

~imustreturntothepeaceinme~

Beauty's Distortion...

2007-04-26T23:55:00.000+01:00

Truly remarkable! This is an ad from Dove's Self Esteem Campaign. I encourage all women to watch this and show it to all of the young women in your lives. The Evolution... of beauty! No wonder I couldn't measure up!

The End.

~beautyisintheeyeofphotoshop!~

Ode to Elektra Amongst Other Things

2007-04-26T23:16:00.000+01:00

Such a long time since I wrote!

My apologies people! Life has been hectic lately. I am just getting over a cold that won’t quit and… other life issues. Oh yea J-Bigg… to answer your text that asked which superhero I would be… I have decided to emerge in to Elektra!

Elektra is by far my idol. She is a beautiful, ambitious assassin who is the sparkle in Daredevil’s eye. She is skilled in martial art, intelligent and super hott! I’d do her! LOL. I just thought I would start this post off in Ode to Elektra.

Random things:

*My nail on my left pointer finger is broken at the skin (OUCH!) and it is super duper hard for me to type this post without using it.
*I really have to get Sun some summer clothes and new sandals.
*I can’t wait for the Total You Tour (www.tampaxtotalyoutour.com) this weekend! Susan Taylor, here I come!
*When is this day going to be over?
*I really hope I can see my cousin (visiting from Cali) and old bud (just moved down from Dallas) this weekend.
*Will this rash ever go away? Ok… let me explain this one, I have really sensitive skin and about twice a year I breakout in this hideous rash on my stomach, legs and neck (sometimes). It is truly irritating!
*When will it be my time to shine?

I guess that is about it for now ladies and gents. I will post something more interesting later.

The End.

~induetimeiwillelectrifyintoelektra~

Sunshine Better Never...Ever... Think About It!

2007-04-20T02:06:00.001+01:00

Two Cuties...

2007-04-20T01:48:00.000+01:00

Hey Radiant Readers!

It has been a couple of days since I posted... so I thought today should be the day! I just had to bless ya'll with a pic of me (on the left) and my bestest B U D Divine. We have been hanging extremely tight lately and it has indeed been a blast.

Divine moved down here about a year ago, from the Midwest. I have had a blast introducing her to Texas! In the pic above we were at a shoot for a show on www.lioneyetv.com (On Da Scene). I normally stay behind the flashes of camera's but I thought... what the heck!

We truly had a good time that night. I hope you all enjoy the pic and best believe that I will have more juice and "fun topics" coming your way shortly.

The End.

~twocutiesarealwaysbetterthanone!~

Keeping the Real in Your Relationship…

2007-04-17T02:33:00.000+01:00

I just had to write about this topic as it has recently come to my attention how important my relationship is to me. My chicas (as I call them) wonder how my relationship with my partner has survived recent turbulence. The only reply that I can give is relevant to the realness of our relationship.

For once in life I am in a situation were I can be 110% me… and it is ok. I am not forced to fit into a stereotype or attempt to become the type of woman he would want me to be. I can simply and only be me.

I guess what I am attempting to say is a relationship can never last without “realness”. Honesty and realness are synonymous terms. A relationship cannot thrive with out honesty. Actually it is the building block of any relationship. Honesty gives each person the ability to see exactly what they are getting into with out the usual facades that are put up in relationships. Will there be exes? Yes. Will there be habits you are not use to? Yes. Will it be easy all the time to handle the truth? No. …and Yes… the truth does hurt sometimes, but it is truly important to know the truth AND handle it according to your personal morals and ethics.

I challenge each of you out there that are involved in a relationship to become your man/woman’s best friend. Treat them as you would your closest girl/guy friend. Take all the censors off and get to know you partner for who they are. The fact of the matter is it all comes out at some point or another. …and yes, get ready for possible DRAMA. Especially if you are dealing with someone who is morally a good person, physically attractive and successful… believe me… the exes will pop out of the wood works.

Realness can conquer ALL.

So… my challenge to you all is to be real with your mate. Become best friends and see were that takes you. After all… any solid relationship is based on the friend factor. Become ace koon boons (as my Granny ‘nem would say) and take it from there.

Peace and Blessings.

The End.

~realnessisreadinessforthenextlevel~

CK Gets Cozy...

2007-04-17T01:28:00.000+01:00

I just had to post about this... my Baby's Daddy... CK popped the question to his Lady Friend of over 2 years... Cozy. They went on a romantic getaway for his birthday this past weekend and... he returned an engaged man.

First things first...

He came up to my job today to check on our son... Sun. I noticed that he was quite tanned, eluding to the fact that he went somewhere sunny. Probably Miami... as she went to college out there. He asked to see me in my office. It was weird because he never asks to talk to me. Our relationship stops at Sun. He then told me about the engagement. I told him of how happy I was for them both and had nothing but the best of wishes for them.

About Cozy... she is a beautiful and intelligent female that has it going on for days. From what I know of her she is educated, loving and on her way to making Sun a GREAT step-mom. I have nothing but wonderful things to say about her.

Let the truth be told...

I am but a wee bit jealous. Not that Cozy is marrying him (he is definitely for her... not me). I just thought I would be the first to get married of the both of us. I have paid all of my love dues and I am ready to settle down and raise a family. I want it sssssooooooooo bad I can taste it. Lets see... All of my exes are walking down isle soon... first my ex-fiance/first love is marrying his fiance at the end of the year... now my Sun's dad is tying the knot. Me... I am someone's girlfriend! I won't get too discouraged... as I soley want to do what God has for me. My needs are not important at all.

I wish Confused K (CK) and Cozy nothing but the best!

The End.

~ifonlyiwastheonetyingtheknot~

Soley Keeping it Real!

2007-04-14T16:06:00.000+01:00

I would like to begin this post by giving thanks to J, Leggs, Princessa and Eryn for the enlightenment given for the previous post... "When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong."

Princessa... I almost had to take you up on the offer to "ride out". They don't know us!

JBigg... you can put up your beach chair and popcorn 'cause nothing is unfolding around these parts. It may sound weird to you all, but the situation was diffused really quick.

In a Nutshell...

Obviously I was (and still am) keeping my eyes open to the situation. The ex began to "stalk" me in away after I responded to her message. She is indeed obsessed over King... too weird to me as I have never been obsessed over anyone. I can't speak for what he has or hasn't told her, but she is a bit much. What really opened my eyes to how delusional she was, was when she claimed to have been with him on dates that I was with him all day and being with him at events that I was with him at... unless he has a twin. She then admitted to lying to me. As for the deletion of my comment... which was nothing major... he knew how crazy she was and didn't want her to have access to me. Obviously... that didn't work... he got a real good "talking to".

I am his woman and I can post whatever I would like to were ever I would like to. Men will do what you let them. This was definitely a learning lesson for him. I command the utmost respect. Believe that. I don't care how private he is!

Saying all this to say... it was definitely a drama filled situation that I did not want to have any parts of. King and I just started to have issues nearing the year mark. Just growing pains of a relationship. I love him and he loves me. Though I am not a fool I will never let a woman come in between us. We are much more than lovers... we are best friends and most importantly... we are better than that. She was a stalker and is willing to do anything to ruin our relationship. Don't get it twisted... I still have my eye on him, but what is real is real... I have all access to his life... keys... locations... friends... family.

Yes. A man will cheat... but... I am not psychic. I know how I am treated.

I had a really interesting conversation with a dear friend. We decided that there is a thin line between being in love and being a fool. For real love to last sometimes you have to be a bit of both. No one will understand my situation and no one is supposed to. I had to post about the situation so thanks for listening... reading.

Those of you all who know me personally... know how tough my skin is and how I deeply evaluate situations. That has not changed. I grew up with guys who did all kinds of dirt... I have did all kinds of dirt. Dirt doing is inevitable... it is true understanding and unconditional love that comes once in a lifetime.

I have truly found my soul-mate and nothing is going to stop us.

For now.

The End.

~lifehandyouanemptybottle...beatthatb*tchwitit!~

When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong!

2007-04-12T01:17:00.000+01:00

OMG… I am too confused… in a funny way though.

Ok… here is the run down. I never ever ever hardly keep up with Kings website… EVER. Today I decided to be a thoughtful “renewed” girlfriend. I updated something’s on my page and I posted a comment on his… (his websites community page is set up just like My Space). I proceeded to post a cute comment on his page in Spanish. It basically said, “I miss you sweety and hope you are having a great day. By the way, the site is coming along great. Bye. Your GF. Rai”

I thought nothing of this and continued on with my day. About 2 to 3 hours later I log back on and I have a message in my inbox (on his site) from and ex of his (I recognized the name). She wants me to call her so we can “chat” about some things. She left me her number, and that was that. This was really weird to me so I began to turn on my FBI and CIA mode. I went back on to Kings page and noticed that he had deleted my previous comment. This indeed peeked my interest.

I am not jealous or messy, but something is not right about this. I haven’t decided if I am going to call her or not but I definitely want to speak with him first to figure out what is really going on. I failed to read the “girlfriend cannot comment on CEO King’s profile page” clause in the membership agreement. An innocent… sweet comment stirs up all this?

Unfreakin Believable!

The End.

~whensweetcommentinggoeswrong!~

Only If...

2007-04-11T02:31:00.000+01:00

Hey Radiant Readers!

I wrote this piece about a year ago... as sad as it is... there is definitely a message enthralled in each line.

Only If...

I am hurting
I am dying
Slowly inside
In spite of my pride
I cannot hide
Any longer
Time out for the lies
Hiding from life
I need You in so many ways
As a little girl
My trust banished
For man
That night
I remember it vividly
Even though I try to forget
He entered my room so quietly
To simply tuck me in for the night
He had promised momma
He would take care of everything
Make sure everything was all right
She did all she could
All she knew how
Dancing at the club for quick cash
See... momma was a good girl
Smart as can be
But, she learned at an early age to
Use men to supply all of her needs
As a single mom
To one daughter and three sons
At age 12 my growing up had just begun
Momma found a man
A good man she thought
Soon he moved in
And nightly, early sexual lessons he taught
Me
First it was an innocent kiss
On the cheek
The lips
Soon he moved lower
Then stopped
I was terrified
At the thought
Of the unknown
Which leads me back to that night
After slipping into my room
He hovered over me
I felt his breath on my neck
Soon his hands found their way under the covers
Under my shirt
I pretended to be sleep
Hoping it would all go away
I closed my eyes hard
Real hard
The nightmare continued
He found his way to my pink-laced panties
Slowly lowered them
With terror my body shook
And that night... it was my innocence he took
It happened night after night
I was afraid to tell momma
I didn't want to start a fight
Between her and him
For once in her life she was happy
He completed her
So what if I had to please him now and again
It kept him there
Keeping momma happy
The years crept by
Slowly it seemed
I retreated from the world
Too ashamed of my past
Until it came back too haunt me
I felt really bad one day
Sick as can be
Caught a cold I couldn't shake
Went to the doctor
Test after test
I waited...

and waited...

Just when, in my mind
I made the past fade
The doctor diagnosed me with full-blown AIDS
By that time I had a strained relationship with mom
Hadn't talked to her in years
In my quest to finally tell her of the past
She had already passed
From the same disease as me
I am scared
As I lay in this bed
With a few breaths left
Know that I had good intentions
Didn't know it would lead to my death
Don't be scared like me
Tell someone
Scream as loud as can be
Don't end up like me
...

~Rai~

Ladies.... young women... girls... even some guys... do not be afraid to speak out if someone you know is in a sexually or domestic abuse situation. You could be their only hope. For resources and more info log on to: www.hawc.org - no worries, if you are not in the Houston area, the organization is confidential and can give you info about the shelter/center nearest you.

Make a difference!

The End.

~ifonlyyouwouldspeakhelpyoucouldseek~

Inkalicious

2007-04-09T18:44:00.000+01:00

Ok... ok... I did it again! I got another tattoo on Saturday! Totally another whim. I will definitely calm down with all the inking!

I love this picture of Tommy Lee... his tattoos are well put together... not to mention he is by far one of the sexiest guys I have seen (on the tube!)... oooh... INKALICIOUS!

I anticipate getting numbers 5 and 6 within the next month and I will be done. I am extremely into all the inking for some reason. At the age of 26 you would think I would be over the "tattoo" craze... I am just now getting into it though!

I got Sun's (my 4 year old) name accompanied by stars on my lower back (across... and a little lower than my name). I felt bad getting all these symbols when Sun is the most important thing NEXT to God in my life!

Ah... what am I gonna do with myself!

The End.

~theinkingwillceasewhenigrowtired!~

The Brightness of Night

2007-04-06T01:57:00.000+01:00

Not sure why am posting ... I can take alot from this... but due to time constraints I will keep it extremely short and simple.

It appears as Ararva- (as her name is) has alot that encompasses her. She is a beauty externally... yet the dragon and ghost are symbolic of her dark side. She looks really sad. The type of sad that arrived when she grew tired of being mad. The ghost and is attempting to tempt her, while the dragon is protecting her...

I see alot of her in me at times.

A really beautiful work of art none the less.

The End.

~thedarksideshines!~

A Mended Heart...

2007-04-05T23:14:00.000+01:00

You know… it is funny how love works. In all honesty we all often misuse the word L O V E. I was truly in a relationship that encompassed all that the word was meant to and does mean.

Love is the combination of reciprocal unconditional trust, honesty, respect and compromise. One must attain all of these traits (mutually) to have true unconditional Love.

As you all know… my love was tested… it was greatly tested…

After a long overdue conversation King (formally known as ‘X’) and I decided that our love was greater than both of us. We decided to reunite and stay that way. I thought it was really important that post about this because I do not anticipate discussing my relationship as much on Return to Radiance. This blog is more about me individually.

I still appreciate PJ being around to ease my mind during the initial break-up, but I know who God intended me to be with, I plan to respect that. No matter how or what you think a relationship is supposed to be… God has it all figured out.

Lord knows I don’t have all of the answers. I do know one thing… true love like this doesn’t happen often.

Enough of the LOVE posts…

I shall return to being Radiant ME!

The End.

~amendedheartisjustthestart~

Emailism… (a word of my creation!)

2007-04-05T00:57:00.000+01:00

Hello, my name is Rai, and I am an Emailaholic.

I just had to post about this, because it did not hit me until today. I am addicted to checking my email. It does not matter where I am or what I am doing, I find time to periodically check my email messages. If I am away from a computer for too long, I start to freak out. When I reply to someone I check a million times (unless I am truly busy) to see if they responded. Sometimes I just sort through old emails. I dunno… visitors… I dunno!

Isn’t that weird?

Technology… is consuming my life nowadays. I can recall when I was younger (before the Internet) and I was forced to hand write letters to friends and wait for an opportune moment for them to intercept the letter (which could take all school day). The only other option I had as a kid (for most of my adolescence) was the telephone. Now between emailing and text messaging no one really ever has to physically see each other or verbally communicate to convey a thought.

Heck, due to this blog most of you know more about me than people that see me every day and a lot of you have no idea who I truly am. This is definitely something!

The point of this post is to explore the true reason why we are so technology crazed… and most importantly… why I can’t go two seconds with out checking my email.

I will never truly understand why… time will tell!

The End.

~what’snerdierthananemailaholic?~

Young Man… Older Woman

2007-04-04T21:20:00.000+01:00

I had to post about this, as it has come recently into play in my own life! By the way… I just LOVE Ashton and Demi… I think they will make it work!

Before I share… dare not judge me. I am not proud of the fact that I officially ended a relationship (3-31st-07) at 12pm only to have a “date” at 2pm.

Let me explain… I initially needed to vent. I soon found out that PJ (as I will call him) is an indeed SWEETHEART! I won’t go too deep into details, but I will say that he is someone I met a while ago who just happens to be a few years younger than me. I am in my mid almost late twenties… and we all know how your typical early twenties guy behaves. Such is not the case… for him anyway…

PJ is truly into me… I am taking each day as it is and am not by any means going to rush into anything. I will say he is a joy to be around… It is AMAZING to be around someone who is actually interested in you… and can learn a couple things from you and vice versa. I am the first one to encourage women to be complete in and of themselves… let’s not get it twisted though Ladies… we should all be with someone who treats us like a Princess in EVERY way! We should feel adored and appreciated continuously. Never…ever… ever let a man make you feel like you are not worthy of this. What he won’t do SOMEONE else will! Believe that!

I think all in all… I wanted COMPANIONSHIP… and I am indeed enjoying it. PJ is a handsome college graduate with ambition. Most importantly he has a personal relationship with God… a very spiritual God fearing church going man. I definitely admire that regardless of his age. I am enjoying the ride so far… can’t wait till tonight!

I truly feel like Stella getting my Groove Back. My personal life definitely needed a face
lift. So far, I am happy with the results!

The End.

~youthfullnessbirthshappiness~

Pink Punk Princess Pretty Pearly Panties…

2007-04-04T20:36:00.000+01:00

As I laugh at life and reflect… I am excited at the fact that I am a real life Princess… Love ALL things Pink and Pearly… not to mention my love for Pretty Panties.

Laugh… as funny as it seems… God was indeed right when he said all things work together for GOOD!

Princess Rai… I was born a Pretty Princess… through out life I have always been treated as such… I am fancy in all that I do and UNIQUE… whew… Over the pass couple of years I have merged into a more alternative… Punk/Hip/Urban/Stylish Princess. I have so much fun playing around with fashion trends. It is indeed fun.

Pearls… I love everything about pearls… the texture… array of colors… the shape…

I love me and (most) of those who feel the same ;o). LOL! I am a walking work of art! As we all are… the most important thing is that we know and utilize our talents. God gave them especially to us!

Back to the Pink Princess’ Pretty Pearly Panties:

I love panties… my favorite style is the thong! It took my butt awhile to get use to them, but I now the thong and I are inseparable. Not to mention the low-rise effect. I love anything low rise. I have a midriff to die for, so I flaunt it when ever possible!

Colors…colors… I love any pair that is COLORFUL! Rainbows are my fav. My girls are always saying… “Girl…you know what the Rainbow is symbolic of?” I have no problems… Lesbian or not I… loooovvvee… the Rainbow pattern.

Sexy fun… I also absolutely enjoy the lacey sexy variety!

I LOVE PANTIES!!!

Ah guys… not sure what sparked this burst of energy, but I wont try to analyze, rather ENJOY!

The End.

~prettypinkprinceshasspoken!~

Help the Homeless: YOU Can Make a Difference!

2007-04-04T02:35:00.000+01:00

This Saturday I (along with WHEW) will be participating in a Homeless Toiletry Drive. The invent is sponsored by my church, but I have took the initiative to gather the toiletries myself.

When I first heard about the event it definitely did my heart some good. I know you all see them (as pictured above). The beggars on the side of the street asking for coins, when what they really want is change (within). That is the type of change I pray for each person in this type of situation to have. My prayers may not be enough... each has to want this type of change for themselves.

The ultimate goal this weekend is to give those in need the proper products they need to achieve the necessary hygiene that we take advantage of daily. I encourage each of you to become involved in the fight against homelessness. Contact your area homeless shelter and see what it is you can do to get involved.

You have the power to save a life!

I will be collecting toiletries through out the week (for those of you in the Houston Area) email me at mentalradiance@yahoo.com for more information.

Get Involved!

The End.

~ucanchangetheworldonepersonatatime!~

The Rainbow's End...

2007-04-03T21:28:00.000+01:00

Hi There...It is me... Rai, and I am indeed back. Today marks the first day of the rest of my life! As most of you know I spent about a year blogging During Da (my) Hiatus. Well, I am proud to say that it is done... finished... over!

I created this new blog because it was time for me to Return to Radiance. I spent all of my Hiatus in a relationship. A relationship that ended! I put everything into it... but neglected myself during the process. Now it is time for me to do me.

I will get to the end of the Rainbow I call a life! You all know what I am going to do in the meantime? Enjoy the view. I am enjoying life. I want to take you all on this new journey with me. It is not all about a man or a relationship... it is about me!

Ah... I have indeed returned and I look forward to sharing it all with each of you!

MMMMMMMMMUUUUUUUAAAHHHHHHHHH!

The End.

~IhaveproceededtoreturntotheRaiwithin!~